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The Top 10 Ways to Distract Someone For Or To Explain a Pick, Scratch or "Adjustment" in Public

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Writer's note: We've all been caught in that "you need to do these things but you have to do it discreetly" situation. Here are some tips for those of you that are still get caught...

10) "Um, I was just practicing for that "Close Your Eyes, Lean Your Head Back, Touch Your Nose" portion of the DWI test."

9) "Hey look that guy's scratching himself!"

8) "I'm allowed to adjust... I'm a professional baseball player on my off-day."

7) "My wallet's stuck...I can't get it out."

6) "Look...there's the BEERMAN."

5) Light, then toss a M-60 into a crowd. You can scratch your ass off and NO ONE will notice.

4) "Someone asked to pick my brain later today and I'm just clearing a path for them."

3) "As Seinfeld himself said.. Its not a pick, its a scratch!"

2) "Let me explain, when a saddle pinches a horse, you don't want to hurt it so you loosen it. Well, I'm hung like a horse and we wouldn't hurt Mr Head."

1) "You've heard of the 7-Year Itch...Get ready to see it."

Thanks to Fish for the Topic and BPATT for the list

Submitted: Thu Apr 16 23:40:12 1998

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