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10) You still have a crush on Mrs Olsen from Folgers

9) Unknown to Joe DiMaggio, you call yourself the 'Real Mr.Coffee."

8) Most people put sugar on their cereal, you put coffee grounds.

7) Upon arriving home after a long day of work, you hug the coffeemaker.

6) You name your kid Juan Valdez Lowenstein

5) You get a coffee enema...(writer's note...this thing really exists...of course it lends to the "Nothing Really Gets You Up...Like Folgers in Your Butt" ad slogan------Bob & Tom)

4) Most people say they're going to the bathroom...you say you have something "percolating."

3) When you die, you want your ashes put in a General Foods International Coffee Tin.

2) When things get really slow, you pour scalding hot coffee on your crotch for that special bond.