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Cloning Humans Roommate Won't Work Out
Worst Book Idea Things you don't want to hear from Customer Support
Things you don't want to overhear from the cockpit

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The Top 10 Potential Problems With Cloning Humans

  1. Harder than ever to land a role in those new Wrigley's commercials featuring the Doublemint Octuplets.
  2. Two words: Gilbert Gottfried(s)
  3. Any scientific advancement that stems from the result of Scottish people doing strange things to sheep is bound to have dire consequences.
  4. In mere weeks, Bill Gates (v1.0, v1.2, v2.0, v3.0, v3.1 & v5.0) has all the money on the entire planet.
  5. And you think it's hard to find your size now!
  6. 18-month waiting list for George Clooney and Cindy Crawford clones.
  7. "Alternative" radio filled with even more Nirvana clones.
  8. And the final score: the New York Gretzkys - 408, the Pittsburgh Lemieuxs - 399.
  9. Can no longer count on the Grim Reaper to get Jesse Helms out of office.
  10. Seventeen Mark Fuhrmans, and suddenly OJ's defense doesn't seem quite as far-fetched.

Srinivas "Vasu" Vattipalli
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Top Ten Ways You Know Your New RoomMate Isn't Going to Work Out

  1. He asks you to touch all of his guns and knives, but he only handles them with gloves
  2. He insists on keeping his food in alphabetical order
  3. She stores her Cat Anatomy Class homework next to your Oreo stash.
  4. He uses the word "tubular" more than 30 times a day.
  5. She saw "Single White Female" sixty-two times.
  6. He insists that he do all the cooking; then your pets start to vanish
  7. You walk in the first day and he's nailed his bed to the ceiling
  8. Three words: Midnight indoor soccer
  9. The living room is filled with teddy bears... missing their heads....
  10. He pays his half of the rent in rolled pennies.

Oops forgot who sent this one, sorry.
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Top Ten Worst Selling Book Ideas

  1. Freedom of Religion in Israel
  2. Amelia Earhart's Guide to the Pacific Ocean
  3. Career Opportunities for History Majors
  4. Contraception by Pope John Paul II
  5. Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of Motivational Speeches
  6. Easy UNIX
  7. Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance
  8. Everything Men Know About Women
  9. Popular Lawyers
  10. The Amish Phone Book

Our thanks to: donalds

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Top Ten Things You DON'T Want To Hear From Customer Support

(10) "That's right, not even McGyver could fix it."

(9) "So, what are you wearing?"

(8) "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"

(7) "Looks like you're gonna need some new dilythium crystals, cap'n."

(6) "We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of

duct tape, and a car battery."

(5) "I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that."

(4) "In layman terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."

(3) "Hold on a second...Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"

(2) "Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics."

And the number one thing you don't want to hear from tech support:

(1) "Please hold for Mr. Gates's attorney."

Our thanks to: Sheleg

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-Top ten things you don't want to overhear from the cockpit

10. "The union president called - he said the pilots' strike starts IMMEDIATELY."

9. "We'll just ask the flight attendant to wake us up when we get there."

8. "My name is Forrest Gump - people call me Forrest Gump."

7. "Hey, Jim, do you remember where we're going?"

6. "Buckle your seat belt - I'm going to try something I saw in a cartoon."

5. "Bye, bye, Miss American Pie..."

4. "Wow, we're sure a lot lighter now that we dropped that second engine!"

3. "Only 500 more flight hours, and I'll get my license!"

2. "They say this plane practically flies itself. Good thing, huh?"

1. "TODAY WE DIE FOR ALLAH!"

Our thanks to: m27already

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